A joke and a new holiday | AspenTimes.com

A joke and a new holiday

Dear Editor:How many Aspen cops does it take to screw in a light bulb in a restaurant? Fifty-three, apparently: one to turn the bulb and the other fifty-two to screw the dinner guests.No matter how you spin it, police chief Loren Ryerson and his team of dick swingers were only one desperate, cross-fire bullet away from being literally crucified by the citizens of this town. Was it really worth risking even one life for the relatively minuscule amounts of blow and money that was confiscated? The answer is simply: no. A judge worth his beans would take one look at the risk involved and the amount of contraband retrieved, and throw the cops in jail! It was clearly a case of the cops being more dangerous than the criminals.Anybody with a teenage lifeguard’s understanding of risk management would understand that you’d have to be more lucky than good to pull off such a ridiculous stunt as these nitwits just got away with. Let’s hope it doesn’t go to their heads as having been skill, or it’ll turn into a liability for not only townspeople, but the police themselves.You’re only as good as your last raid and, boys, this one sucked. To have increased the risk even more by not sharing intelligence and an assault time frame with the sheriff was absolutely inexcusable. A crime was committed against the innocent public who were traumatized, physically endangered and psychologically humiliated as only hostages can be: Chief Ryerson should be fired before Christmas.Clearly, such a fruitless, strong-arm raid was done only to send a message, mostly political, and it must certainly fail. I propose that we turn the lemon into lemonade, that Dec. 2 be designated as a day of infamy and remembrance, a day when both cops and illegals were caught doing something really stupid in local eating establishments. We could call it the “Pork and Beaners Festival,” and draw people to Aspen from around the U.S. to celebrate old-fashioned political incorrectness, rather than this ridiculous Patriot Act vogue exemplified by idiot Ryerson and his minions.In the meantime, don’t let’s dine around too many people with mustaches. David FrankAspen

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