A funny week | AspenTimes.com

A funny week

Dear Editor:[It had] been an amusing week. Good snow, everyone smiling, the barometer not playing havoc with everyone’s brain cells, etc. I’m reading books about the Civil War and ran into the following: “Washington is like a barnyard full of braying mules, and that includes most of my Cabinet.” Abraham Lincoln said that to Gen. Grant at their first meeting.I heard that one of the hardened criminals captured in the kitchens of one of Aspen’s favorite restaurants during a recent raid was held in jail for three days for an outstanding warrant: He went fishing without a license.Aspen Village’s most recent crime wave is very heavy stuff: Someone called the sheriff because a cat walked on his car! Time to move to Bosnia for some peace. He thought the cat was scratching his car. Wait until he sees what mag chloride does to his car. He’ll probably resurrect Gens. Stewart and Sheridan and both their cavalries to do God knows what to Pitkin County road crews. That would probably make the wait for RFTA buses in the mornings more interesting. I think that guy should get an M-16 and blow that car to hell and give himself some peace. Maybe he’d like to buy my 27-year-old truck, which a thousand cats have walked on in the past 18 years. It has many scratches but none made by cats.Over 20 years ago I was getting my hair cut, and a person in the salon was going on and on about his boat and how much fun he has with it. I asked the most logical question I could think of: “Where did you take it?” His reply was, “Oh, I’d never tell you. You’d go there and ruin it.” [Recently] I ran into him on the street and he said he may sell his house in three years and move away. I once again asked the logical question: “Where would you move?” The reply was, “I’d never tell you. You’d go there and ruin it.” I was beginning to get the feel what having control issues means. “What’s the matter with you? Twenty years ago …” Blah, blah, blah. I then listened to a litany of all the places he’s been where “people have gone” and ruined, Woodstock amongst them. I said that people went to Woodstock because Bob Dylan lived there, not because he was there. I am convinced I ruined his day.I hope next week is as funny as this one has been. I’d be most grateful if someone would demonstrate the rebel yell that so chilled the Yankees.Pat MilliganAspen Village

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