Libations: Getting pumped for October | AspenTimes.com
YOUR AD HERE »

Libations: Getting pumped for October

Look at those festive sepia tones. I already drank the Woodchuck Cider, sorry.

The best part of fall is that you have a brief window to enjoy the two best seasonals in the beer horoscope: Oktoberfests and pumpkins. They’re basically the non-dairy equivalent of eggnog: chug enough to get sick on now, because you won’t be able to do it again until next year (if ever again … what if your tongue falls out?).

As a man both of science and exquisite taste, I sat down to power through five different pumpkin-inspired brews, a box of White Castle sliders and a “Friday the 13th” marathon but not concentrating just on the summer camp dry-humping scenes this time. My findings will hOrRiFy YoU!

WOODCHUCK PUMPKIN CIDER

Color: A cheap light beer.

Nose: Like spiders who hide under leaf piles and latch onto you when you jump in. This beer smelled like rot and butt. I was scared to drink it.

Palate: Juicy, and surprisingly bouncy. A little heavy for a cider, but I imagine gourds weigh down any drink.

Pumpkinyness: 6/10

LAKEFRONT BREWERY PUMPKIN LAGER

Color: Like a fresh, unpopped sunburn blister.

Nose: Inhaling the guts of a jack ‘o lantern right after a craniotomy. This is probably how Cinderella felt trying to get home after the ball.

Palate: Many spices made it taste like eating store-bought pumpkin pie, but without any crust or whipped cream on top. Light, but I wouldn’t call it “refreshing.”

Pumpkinyness: 8/10

EDDYLINE PUMPKIN PATCH ALE

Color: Flavored cough drop.

Nose: That field trip in elementary school when you go to some farm in the woods and do corn mazes and tip cows.

Palate: Honey and apples balance it out nicely. Almost a cider, but I could drink it in front of my friends without feeling emasculated. I guess it is still a pumpkin beer, though …

Pumpkinyness: 5/10

FOUR NOSES PUMP ACTION

Color: Orange and aglow. I can see my reflection and ask who is the harsh-but-fairest in the land.

Nose: This is straight up Ichabod Crane’s BO.

Palate: Floral and sweet, but still packing a punch at 7.7%. Abhorrent when you leave it sitting out overnight and try a sample in the morning (for research), but I’m really not going to ding the beer for that mistake.

Pumpkinyness: 7/10

ODDYSEY BEERWERKS FLUFFY PUMPKIN

Color: Black as a witch’s heart. Black as the lump of coal you deserve for Christmas. Black as the rotting banana on my counter that I think is polluting these nose tests.

Nose: OMG it smells like a marshmallow! AWWW!

Palate: Bitter, with muted tones. I guess whipped sugar is a flavor that’s hard to translate to alcohol. But the aftertaste stuck to the roof of my mouth and seconds later I understood the artistry, like when they find a Van Gogh sketch hidden behind a Di Vinci painting.

Pumpkinyness: 4/10

TBH, they all tasted about the same. bwelch@aspentimes.com


Support Local Journalism

Support Local Journalism

Readers around Aspen and Snowmass Village make the Aspen Times’ work possible. Your financial contribution supports our efforts to deliver quality, locally relevant journalism.

Now more than ever, your support is critical to help us keep our community informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having locally. Every contribution, however large or small, will make a difference.

Each donation will be used exclusively for the development and creation of increased news coverage.

For tax deductible donations, click here.
 

Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.

User Legend: iconModerator iconTrusted User