Aspen Times Weekly: Hit & Run with John Colson |

Aspen Times Weekly: Hit & Run with John Colson

with John Colson

I get these weekly emailed newsletters from an outfit named The National Memo, which clearly is a left-leaning entity but which pledges to its readers that it will avoid overtly extremist partisan affiliation in its own perspective on things.

I have to say, I usually enjoy it, particularly its Friday roundup of wacky doings on the extreme right side of the political spectrum, titled “This Week in Crazy.”

Sometimes there’s enough nutty stuff going on that they can count down from 10, but this week’s catalog contained only five. Maybe it’s a sort of early Christmas present to the nut-jobs, I don’t know — keeping the derision and the sarcasm to a minimum.

Anyway, it’s a lulu, as they almost always are.

Counting down from five, the memo goes straight to Rush Limbaugh, a longtime staple of the Crazy lists whose face and name have been rather scarce of late. But this week they brought him back for his support of Fox News host Megyn Kelly, the poor, confused and extremely well-paid commentator who recently became the first woman to “take up arms in the Race War On Christmas” by reporting on national television that, obviously, Santa Claus is white, always was and always will be. Oh, and Jesus was white, too.

Rush ludicrously proclaimed that every portrayal of Santa, anywhere and by anybody, has depicted the jolly old man in red and white as, you guessed it, white of skin, and shouted his agreement to the rooftops.

Notwithstanding that this is patently false (Google Santa yourself and see), you have to ask why these intellectual midgets would even step into this swamp of conflicting emotions and politics.

Forget that, because Rush then went on to say any attempt to portray Santa as a person of color was “worse than political correctness. This is Stalinism.”

Prompting a second inquiry about Rush’s grasp on reality.

No. 4 on the list (would have been my number one) is New Hampshire state Rep. J.R. Hoel, who went on record advising former Massachusetts U.S. Sen. Brown to stay out of New Hampshire or risk getting shot. Not in those words, of course, but Hoel did refer to the possibility of “a day when firearms and ammo are necessary” to keep political carpetbaggers out of their state.

Brown, who was beaten out of the Senate by Elizabeth Warren, recently moved to New Hampshire amid rampant speculation that he will challenge Democrat Sen. Jeanne Shaheen. Brown also has said he supports federal gun-control restrictions, which is why Hoel thinks it may soon be open season on Brown.

No. 3, right-wing activist Bob Vander Plaats of Iowa and a potential Senate candidate, declared that the timid moves toward ending the ban on gay marriage would lead to nothing less than a complete state of moral decay in which parents will start marrying their own children as a tax shelter.

At No. 2 is North Carolina state Sen. Bob Rucho, who let us know in a tweet that “Justice Robert’s (on the U.S. Supreme Court) pen & Obamacare has (sic) done more damage to the USA then (sic, again) the swords of the Nazis, Soviets and terrorists combined.”

Finally, the winner was Larry Klayman, far-right paranoiac and conspiracy theorist, whose delusions of grandeur led him to believe that the NSA is out to get him by sending emails from his personal email account, apparently in a bid to discredit this absolute lunatic. As if.

Klayman, who was party to the lawsuit that led to a court decision that the NSA’s massive metadata gathering program is unconstitutional, actually got into a war of words with a CNN correspondent, to the point where his microphone was cut off and he was dumped from the interview.

All told, it was a mighty goofy week on the far-right fringe, and we can all be grateful for a few chuckles as we edge up on Christmas.

The scary part, of course, is that all these loonies take themselves very seriously, and too many uninformed, undereducated and angry white guys take them seriously, too.

As has been said countless times in these pages by former Aspen resident and frenetic letter writer KCNB Moore, “Be brave, comrades.”

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