Dirty thirties: not a myth
February 7, 2007
Well, boys, it’s true what they say. There really is such a thing as the “Dirty Thirties.”There’s no question women hit their sexual prime sometime in their mid-to-late 30s. It’s really a question of why. Or better yet: why not?Let me begin by making a distinction between the Man Eater, whom I wrote about a few weeks ago, and the Dirty Thirty. The Man Eater is a woman who has mastered the art of detachment and can separate emotions from sex. It’s a rare skill that has more to do with personality than age.The Dirty Thirty is the result of nature – a marked shift when even the most sensitive woman has sexual yearnings strong enough to overcome whatever emotions she has left after decades of dealing with disappointing men. It’s not that she’s bitter – she’s realistic. Nowhere is this more true than in a ski town like Aspen, where – let’s face it – guys do not come to settle down. They come to avoid settling down. The truth is, the DT probably came to Aspen for the same reason. That means it’s party time, everyone!One day, DT wakes up and realizes she has this amazing body and not only knows how to use it, but wants to. That creates quite a paradigm shift from being used to wanting to be used, which sort of turns her into the User. That’s an empowering thing that, in my humble opinion, should be celebrated, not discouraged or criticized.If you’re not following, let me give you a few examples.The other day my 36-year-old friend Heidi called me freaking out because she’d hooked up with two guys in one day. One is the guy she is currently dating and the other is a guy she was dating previously.She never refers to these guys by their real names. Instead, she uses these I.D. tags like “The Builder” and “The Texan.”Heidi just got out of a long-term relationship and wants to have fun. She wants to have sex – something that was severely lacking with her ex. She also wants to have sense of control, to not have to open her heart or feel vulnerable to anyone until she’s ready.”I’m such a slut bag,” she said. “I am a total whore.”I gave her this huge pep talk about how for centuries men have taken more than one lover to suit their various needs. And in a lot of cultures, everyone just turns the other cheek and accepts it as part of nature (á la Tony Soprano and his goomars). It’s basically the same old argument feminists have been making for years: Why is a promiscuous man regarded as a stud and a promiscuous woman considered a whore?I told Heidi she should be proud of herself for nailing two dudes in one day. I told her she should feel empowered and look at is as celebration of her sexuality and her body and not beat herself up over it. Clearly, she’s in the power seat. She’s the one wearing the pants – or maybe in this case – not wearing them.A few days later I get an e-mail from my friend Shari who writes, “The 23-year-old is here from Canada and yeah, I screwed him … slut slut slut and well … kind of liking it. Yikes.”Admittedly, she’s been on a bit of a bender lately but I think it’s because she’s gotten a taste of how empowering it is not to get attached to the men she’s having sex with for the first time in her life. She’d had her heart broken by a photographer who cheated on her with a fashion model, even though he’d sworn up and down that he preferred her voluptuous body to the emaciated boyish figures of the women he photographed for a living.Shari has a body like J. Lo – the tits and ass of a pinup girl, complete with a tiny waist, pretty face, and head full of long, healthy brown hair. For weeks after this horrible breakup, I fielded phone calls from her in the middle of the night. She’d leave me these horrible messages, saying things like, “I’m a big fat cow,” between sobs.Since then, she’s totally turned her life around. She got a kick-ass job, lost a bunch of weight and looks and feels better than she ever has in her life. I say, why not celebrate that? Why not do it in a way that protects you from getting hurt?Then today I get another e-mail from my 36-year-old friend Anna, detailing the story about how she was turned down for sex by a younger guy who claimed he liked her too much and didn’t want to get involved. “Doesn’t he get it?” she wrote, “I don’t want respect. I want sex. I guess it’s nice that he doesn’t want to take advantage of me … but all I really wanted was for him to do me! Ha! It’s like, enough with the excuses, already! I’m in my thirties! That’s just the way it is.'”Here’s the deal, guys. There’re a few things that happen to women after they hit the big three-oh. For one, we’re a lot more comfy with our own bodies. We’ve stopped focusing on what we don’t have and finally learned how to appreciate what we do have and learned how to flaunt it. We’re also more experienced in bed and at a point where we might want to take that to the next level and try a few fun things before it’s too late.We’re done looking for a husband and really we just want a playmate, someone to volunteer to be a subject in our little experiment. So step up and don’t be scared – I promise, it’s not going to hurt one bit.The Princess is getting better, not older. Send your loving e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to check out her blog at http://www.aspenprincess.squarespace.com.