Roger Marolt
Snowmass Village, CO, Colorado

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October 23, 2012
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Roger Marolt: Conservative talk radio is (apparently) not for the virile

A broad sampling of conservative talk radio does not paint a robust picture of the people who listen to it. Now, before you grab pen and paper and begin to draft a rebuttal, I urge you to hear me out on this. I think that I can be so convincing that even the most ardent follower of Rush Limbaugh will be too embarrassed to claim it.

I am not going to have to bring up unemployment, health care, oil and gas drilling, Iran, or Paul Ryan lying about his marathon time to convince you. I did my research last week while driving to Grand Junction. I decided to listen to the XM satellite radio conservative talk radio station, there and back. That's right, five hours of Republican Party jabber on the upcoming national election along with criticism about Barrack Obama's freedom to choose the wrong religion and place of birth.

During this stint behind the wheel, I got the conservative perspective from three distinctive and widely popular national program hosts. I say distinctive not because they each gave a different view or even had a different sound to his voice, but because they each broadcast in a different time slot; one broadcast in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening.

If you are a male conservative talk radio fan or a female standing by your man who is a fan of conservative talk radio, we might as well begin by talking about, you know, manly stuff. I don't mean the death penalty or the right to bear arms. I don't mean drill baby drill. I don't mean the right to smoke filter-less cigarettes in the church of your choice. I don't even mean football or weight-lifting. I'm talking about the actual chemistry of being a man here, because the vast majority of advertising on conservative talk radio centers exactly on that.

In my experiment I got the conservative agenda in five minute segments between seven-minute advertisement series. The agenda is beside the point. About every other advertisement on the conservative talk radio channel had to do with erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, and penile enlargement.

I know this doesn't mean that everyone who listens to conservative talk radio places high emphasis on these issues, only that a very large segment of it does. In free enterprise, born free, and free market America, advertisers aren't getting these spots for free. It's only a guess, but my guess is that a spot on the Sean Hannity show can only be paid for by selling lots of penile enlargement kits; no obligation, money back guarantees, and free trial offers withstanding. These penis problem companies advertise where they know they have an audience. They determine this scientifically through statistical sampling, market studies, and actual experience!

I did say that these advertisements accounted for about half of the sponsors of conservative talk radio shows. To get a fuller read on the make-up of the audience, we have to take a look at the rest of the ads that had nothing to do with testosterone draughts and completely natural products that can result in three-hour erections. Fair enough. From what I could gather, the balance of advertising on conservative talk radio covered personal debt consolidation and getting the Internal Revenue Service to settle for a fraction of the amount of back taxes owed to them. Oh, and lest I forget; hoarding gold.

I understand that my brief experience with conservative talk radio doesn't prove anything about any particular person who follows it regularly. (Which now that I think about it, regularity was another personal problem advertisers addressed.) But, it doesn't disprove anything either.

If I was making this stuff up about what kinds of products were being sold on conservative talk radio or presenting it to you out of context, that would be one thing. But, I'm not, so that means it's the other thing, namely: we are what are bombarded with. So, unless you are a man with a small unit that won't firm up and you lack the manly vigor necessary to file your tax returns on time and instead use what little energy you have to wrack up unmanageable credit card debt while hoarding enough gold to survive the apocalypse that might otherwise put you out of your misery, I'd stop listening to that crap. Just a suggestion.

Roger Marolt has gone back to listening to Outlaw Country on XM channel 60 where they don't promote anything but drinking, fighting, womanizing, and big trucks. Contact him at

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The Aspen Times Updated Oct 23, 2012 05:09PM Published Oct 23, 2012 04:04PM Copyright 2012 The Aspen Times. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.