Aspen gets poetic about poop

ASPEN — The winners of Aspen’s first-ever Dog Poo Poetry Competition have been chosen.

The contest of rhymes, limericks and haikus were inspired by the town’s No. 1 summer complaint — dog poop littering the parks, open space and city sidewalks.



“We wanted to advertise the importance of picking up after your dog in a fun and creative way,” explained city parks ranger Brian Long in a press release detailing the winning efforts. “We were amazed at the results. We had tons of poetry submissions, with some from as far as Seattle.”



The winners will receive gift certificates to local retailers of their choice.



All of the entries will be posted on www.aspenrecreation.com under “Parks, Trails and Open Space” and “Parks Department News,” according to the city.

And the winners are…

First place — a limerick by Mark Thomas

A Poodle-Park Pooper named Faucet

Drew a firm line, and refused to cross it.

“Can’t you see, man - I’m squattin

And I know it smells rotten.

But it’s your job to bag it and toss it.”

Second Place — a short poem by Joan Kover

Hey this is right up my alley!

I’m sick and tired of all the dog poop all over the valley.

Came home from School expecting a hug

Yelled at instead for stinky poop on rug!



My mom made me clean it up

Wish owners would clean up after their pups.

Now when I go to the park each day

I check out the grass before I play.

Third place — a “poop epic” by Hilary Rymal

Aspen, Colorado is a beautiful place

You know all your neighbors and everyone’s face

You can ski in the winter and raft in the sun

Dancing at Chelsea’s is always good fun



There is one thing though, that is quite absurd

You’ll be strolling along and step on a turd!

Someone’s dog has crapped in the street

And now, lucky you, it’s all over your feet



You would much rather see two dogs hump

But no, you're the winner who steps in their dump

Their owners are punks who can't even bend over

To pick up the waste from their own dog Rover



You’ll be in Wagner Park and you’ll spot some poo

But it’s one step too late for your new Jimmy Choo

You decide to go home to just take a nap

But on your way there you run in to more crap



You sprint to your car, dodging a hot steamer

If you had slipped on that one you’d have busted your femur!

You'’re frantic to get home without spotting another pile

Unfortunately you can't even make it one mile



You finally get home and walk up your stoop

And lo and behold what do you find? More poop!

You’re guilty too, of not cleaning up

After your dog, he’s only a pup



Let’s all do our part to pick up the poo

To keep it in the trash, and off of our shoes!

The winning haiku — by Malcolm McMichael

Failing to scoop poop

Pretending you don’t notice

You know who you are

Second-place haiku — by Keegan and Hailey Swirbul

(Written from their 3-year-old black Lab’s perspective)



FROZEN POOP-SICLES



Frozen poop-sicles,

Crunchy, tasty, winter treat.

Leave it! Can’t be beat.

Top pick among limericks — by Isabella Courtenay-Morris

There once was a dog named “Daisy”

Whose owner was extremely lazy

When “Daisy” would poop

They refused to scoop

Aspen’s poop problem is gettin’ too crazy!!

Second-place limerick — by Ethel Gofen

There once was a preacher named Chuck

Who stepped in dog poop and got stuck.

It clung to his shoe

Just like super-glue

And all he could say was, “Good Lord.”